I am. You are. She/He is. They are. We are all energy fields or part of one. I learned this today.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life kind of day. It didn't start that way. Slept in, showered, and ticked away the minutes to my first appointment with a Reiki Master/intuitive who had been recommended.
Thinking that I would blend in and not seem so obviously out of place, I wore my hippy dippy outfit, (long skirt and over blouse), all tie dyed in the red orange color family. Wore shoes with no socks.
Comfortable but nervous, I filled out the requisite paperwork; a little bit health history, a little bit work history and a little bit why was i here. Did I want a massage, a reading, a reiki healing session, all three? Essential oils or not?
The other client in the waiting room had her feet in a foot bath with wires attached to some monitoring device and as I sat there, the water turned brownish green. There was a color chart, but I couldn't read it upside down. A therapist came over and said "definitely kidneys…but there is some white over here.
I'll check back in a few minutes".
OMG, I hoped the white was good news. The woman belonging to the feet didn't seem anxious. Not my business anyway, but when my name was called, I was glad to leave the area just in case what ever it was was contagious.
I followed my Reiki Master into a quite room. A couple of chairs, massage table, a small round side table and soft messages of encouragement on paintings and plaques rounded out my first impression of the confined space. Over head there were task lights suspended over the massage table and night light looking lamps scattered here and there. Everything I had hoped for and nothing to discourage an outpouring of my soul. That's why I booked her. I need release, not diagnosis. But too early to tell.
I am not a participant in anyone's health care plan. I have the option, but choose not to inundate myself with unnecessary preventative care. When I'm dead, the inordinate amount of wasted time in waiting rooms and exam rooms and laboratories will be a non issue, so I am forging ahead with the belief that obstacles will be encountered and resolved within the universal energies of which I am a part.
She sat and invited me to sit and remove my shoes. "We'll just chat a while" she said. Okay, it's obviously my turn to tell her all about me. So, off I went on a short autobiography of what I thought she needed to know.
Stress, anxious, migraines, no PCP, control issues, feeling alone (no biological roots)….I was mid sentence and she said "How's your vision?" "20/20, had both cataracts removed in 2006f" I replied. She said, "Your migraines are your escape. You call them up to get away. I see great whirling energies at your head. And your heart is empty, There is a place for it, but it's empty. Tell me why".
I was stunned. No heart?
As the session continued, I was asked to respond to questions with a physical non verbal response.
She positioned my fore finger and thumb together to replicate the "ok" sign, then told me to resist her attempt to open the ring which had been formed between them. She whispered questions and then attempted to pull thumb from finger. If my answer was "no", she would not be able to break the ring. She asked the questions, but they were not audible to me. Every answer was the same. She couldn't break the grip. Well, at least I had conviction…
Theta healing followed and being fully in the present moment, I closed my eyes as she began the laying of hands. Questions flowed and the focus became the movement of energy from my head to my heart.
Compassion was missing. How could that be?
She assured me that I was safe and that this overwhelming emotion was the manifestation from an unresolved childhood trauma. I don't remember any trauma. "I will invite well being and calm.
They are here". Who are here? "The angels".
And then the revelation…self compassion. Deserving compassion from others. I had been on a one way street; taking care of others, being compassionate and sensitive to their needs and believing my purpose was cerebral; to solve, to fix, to inspire.
I am empty. My truth brought tears streaming and breathing came in heavy sighs She counseled me to inhale and exhale as if a small coffee cup straw was my tool.
Time to listen, time to release. I focused on the background music. Kept eyes closed. The laying of hands was purposeful and strong. "Think of waiting for a present, a very special present arriving now. The delivery was at my door, I must open my door. I have too many deadbolts on my door.
Her hands did not move, she did not relent. One on my head and the other over my heart. Her breathing was intense, steady and deep. In my mind's eye, the brick and mortar facade of my house changed to a wooden framed building with no door, no glass windows and the draperies were sheer and caressed the breeze.
My energy fields shifted, the tension I had brought with me remained in some universal black hole.
Think of a glass full of water. Pour more water in the glass to overflowing and realize that the new water remains. Think of driving on a straight road towards the horizon and ignore the side roads and intersections. Just concentrate on reaching that furthest point. If you can visualize these examples, you will begin to understand the metamorphic transformation which occurred in my body today.
She repeated the exercise with my thumb and fore finger. Same questions asked, but this time, I released. Each time she tapped my hand, she asked me to say "yes". I said "yes" and my finger sprang from my thumb (this was my physical being saying "yes").
My energies are far from being in alignment. There is more work to do. I am open to change, well at least as far down as my shins. I'm not ready to put my two feet in that bath of water...
