Two Way Mirror

     Thoughts are scattered. I am unable to concentrate, on any topic, for longer than a breath mint.  Try as I do, there's no period, just commas and an occasional semicolon ( for that regurgitation of the previous thought).

     My soul is in chaos, turmoil, and consistent unrest and it's not self-inflicted. The more I question, justify and analyze, the greater my disquietness.  I have entered truth; the pathway is narrow and apparently one way- for the further I travel, my past fades like footprints along the shore.

     The biggest hurdle at present is wanting to go there. Wanting to stand in my truth conflicts with I like who I am, so far, so why change NOW?  Is time a really a consideration?  Perhaps, but time is a manmade diversion. It limits potential and rewards the immediate. What's all this rushing around?  Seems silly from the standpoint of evolution.  I don't think man/woman is the finite model.  I am beginning to believe that the body is the vessel and my take on it is definitely not biblical.

     My brain is my armor. It shields me against myself.  I wish I could drain the gray matter and begin again. How does one accomplish the reprogramming of oneself? Education, I am certain is the key. How am I going to determine the qualifications of the teacher?  Based on what criteria? I haven't hit the “ah-ha” moment yet. I am optimistic and driven; although I can't say what fuels the gears.

     Can I be spontaneous and flexible or must I remain tethered to someone else's schedule?  Thinking that I have always been in control makes me distrust.  Knowing that I have always been in control makes me resist.  Learning has always been a two-sided affair. There is always an opposite point of view.  There's always a polar extreme and maybe this time I need to leave the comfort of linear thinking and consider the possibilities.

     As I try to process this awakening, my path beckons. Steady up the hill. I can't wait to see what's around the bend.