Blue bird

Mom succumbed to cancer in 1988 and passed January of that year.  She wasn't able to attend my wedding, but had the pleasure of planning the details in the few months prior.  I had a whirlwind romance and had hoped to marry before she left, but was not meant to be.

During her last weeks of hospice care in the family home, she would recover from her semi- comatose state long enough to be in the present moment and we would just carry on conversation as if time were not urgent.  I had always belonged to the nickname "Tootie".  Many stories about how that came about, but my favorite was the one where the adoption had been finalized and our first meeting (me at 6 days old) had me filling my diapers..."Tootie" just seemed appropriate.

Bringing you forward, 32 years...She decided in one of our last bed side conversations to call me "Blue bird".  That came out of nowhere.  She had collected elephants, loved the color blue, but "Blue bird?"

Jumping forward...

Was married in April of 1988.  .. into the military...moved from my girlhood home of Colorado to Texas.  Had a rough time of it., Husband and I had business/pleasure trip to San Diego, California.  The day spent at the zoo was awesome. just what I needed to lift my spirits. Walking through the vast parking lot, chatting away as newlyweds do, I was "buzzed" by a blue bird.  Just once and then it disappeared.

Navy moved us to Japan where we welcomed our daughter in February of 1991.  Talk about depressed...post- partum blues hit hard.  Husband always on a mission and hardly ever home.  Lived among the Japanese in a very traditional neighborhood and nothing “Americanized” except for what was in the house.  By this time, my dad had remarried and I tried to connect over the long distance phone line with my step mother, but she didn't quite get it.  She was very pragmatic and had raised her children as independent thinking persons at a very early age, probably around the age of 4.

Well, another episode of depression...brought my husband's CO and wife to my aide and several visits to the base psychiatrist and happy pills and the whole 9 yards.

Sitting in my very Americanized Japanese house, in a fit of tears, with a new babe in arms, and wanting Wonder Bread, I heard a song bird.  No big deal, I thought, Japan has birds...duh!

But THIS bird kept singing.  She sat in a branch in MY yard.  She interrupted my state of being long enough for me to FIND her...a Blue bird.  At the exact moment I saw her, the singing stopped and she flew.  I was so excited, that I ran across the street to explain to my neighbor that I had seen a blue bird.  She stated emphatically that no such species lived on the island of Japan or in the Nation of Japan.  What?

Pregnant again and moving to Washington state, my life seemed more complicated than ever. Our son was born in 1992 and at the age of 1 plus, was rushed by ambulance to Seattle (a 2 hour drive) with a life threatening head injury.  He fell from my shoulders onto a concrete floor at a local McDonald's restaurant.  I was trying to hold onto him, and my daughter and balance a tray full of favorite happy meal items to a table....

By the time I got to the hospital after making frantic phone calls to my husband's squadron (he was clear across the nation, in Florida on some damn exercise), and placing my daughter in the arms of a neighbor, our baby was in surgery and the surgeon came out long enough to say he didn't think our child would survive.

You wouldn't know my pain, I can't explain my pain.  I ran from the surgery waiting room still in the clothes where my child had vomited all over them.  I ended up on the steps at the front of Children's hospital in an inconsolable state.  People passed wide eyed and some tried to help.  I wanted to die.

The Blue bird came and landed along the walkway in a barren tree, as it was just beginning to bud.  She sang for me and then flew.  My husband appeared from a taxi cab. We embraced and ran back inside where our boy had just entered the recovery room.  The next 48 hours he was baptized and moved to ICU where his continued recovery allowed for us to bring him home after two weeks. Our "zipper head" (his new nickname because the incision began at the base of his left ear and proceeded to the midpoint of the crown), was seemingly healthy.  His hematoma had blown to the size of an orange.  He was in surgery for 3 hours. We celebrated by going to the zoo.  

My dad died several years ago and I had to leave him in a hospital bed in Colorado and fly back here. I gave him a last birthday card (86th year), kissed him and walked out of his room. Hospice and an ambulance were coming...he passed 4 days later. Anyway, as I walked from the hospital and listened to the chimes of the bell tower in the chapel, I saw her. She did not sing, I was expecting to see her. She was waiting for him

I expect to see my Blue bird, but she doesn't come. It's been a very long time.  I see other species of blue birds...jays, finches, humming birds, etc., buy SHE hasn't come.

Two years ago, I sought out an intuitive (psychic) upon recommendation of a close friend.  Must truthfully tell you that I was skeptical.  I have 3 recordings of sessions and I'll share that messages have come and that I have changed from a close minded, non-religious woman into a spiritual being.  Call it whatever you wish.  I have asked my intuitive about animal spirits.  She said "Do you mean the Blue bird? She comes to bring messages that you have reached a fork in the road and your path is joyful and purposeful and that you are not alone."

The last session, this past January, the message came "You can find me in Heaven".  Funny, because I don't understand the concept of Heaven...but if it is where Blue birds fly, then my heart will join her there.

Do I believe my mother is guiding me? Absolutely.

I wish you the same : ) - Laura