Used To Be Me

Sometimes trolling the internet gives me reason to rethink.  Such is the predicament today. Actually, it has been my predicament for about a week, given that I first spotted the headline "Earth's Rotation Cause Shift in Astrological Signs".  Further reading resulted in the understanding that the sun's position relative to the earth's axis ON THE DAY YOU WERE BORN, determines your astrological sign. End result:  my Capricorn has shifted forward to Sagittarius. Oh no!

I don't like change; especially the changes which endanger who I thought I was…I am.

My attributes and lesser qualities no longer apply. I know that my life has shifted towards new territories. I am  on a predestined path which conflicts with free will. My astrological profile is now completely convoluted and I have to open myself to new ways of explaining my behaviors.

But, I'm comfortable and very much convinced that my old sign was spot on.  Let's review: Practical and prudent, ambitious and disciplined, patient and careful, humorous and reserved. On the dark side…
pessimistic and fatalistic, miserly and drudging.

I've worked sixty years, carefully honing the above characteristics so as to fulfill my destiny and to
validate those (if any) quirks which might come across every now and again. Once you met me,
there would be no doubt as to my position in the tenth house of intelligence.

Now I have to reinvent mine and yours and his and hers and theirs.

Okay, let's be open to possibilities.  I'm not in charge apparently.  Should have done more research, but in the tumultuous trappings of high school, I was just glad to be identified with the nerds and for further validation…the band kid nurds.

To date, I am the goat-fish of the "what's your sign" generation.  I will die a goat fish in my heart of hearts.

Seems my life is all about compromise…you know, it's THIS way…on the OTHER HAND, maybe not.  I've never been so unfocused and driven at the same time.  Is it even possible to live this way;
running full steam ahead, over the cliff and hope that I'll make a bouncing recovery onto an parallel plane of existence?

Am I ready for this abrupt change in my autobiography? Are you willing to accept my new persona?
Accepting my latest credentials will change our relationship.  Be prepared that we might not be compatible anymore. After all you are not you. Your truth is waning.

How does one handle this slippery cup of noodles? I'm not the only one is this equation, it's a world wide phenomenon.

Ditch the label?  No! I won't. I will go kicking and screaming, with disco ball in tow to the next incarnate destination.

I suppose (being moderately curious as to the newest version of me), that the new adjectives may be a truer representation. Perhaps, just perhaps, I will be willing to try them on.  Am I above lying about my birthday if I find that disappointment prevails and that I absolutely can not be described as laid out in the ancient practice of astrology?  Nope…but lets let that be a last resort.

Okay. Time for a practice run.  " Sagittarius-Optimistic and freedom-loving, jovial and good-humored, honest and straightforward, intellectual and philosophical…If you catch me on a bad day, then I may be : blindly optimistic and careless, irresponsible and superficial, tactless and restless".

Perception is a double edged sword.  Those attributes that I share may not be received in like manner.  This is problematic for me regardless of which sign I favor.  What you see is what you get.
There's no deception, there's no pussy footing around.

The earth rotates on it's axis, the galaxies expand and contract. My life requires no explanation; after all my purpose and destiny are a continuum within a vast universe.  I am not limited to who I am now and
who I used to be.

Redefined

I have written that I am being repurposed, but this is different. This is my truth…my reason for the earthly presence my incarnate soul has been given.

Rediscovery can come from within as a result of counseling from without. Teachings not found in books and not originating from the human mind are tangible if you believe in intuition. The gut feeling, the visceral messages you must listen to come when the soul is being shaken to the core. Your attention is narrowed to only that which will allow your purpose through.

When the familiar you isn't a good fit anymore, you're ready.

I'm ready.

Allowing the universal messages to flow to my conscious mind, I am primed for learning. I am open to possibilities which take what I thought I knew to another dimension…literally.

The Shaman taught me, her teachings were recently validated by my intuitive. Warning: the following may challenge you if you are a heaven and hell kind of person...

Time in Stonehenge, Wales was brief, maybe two hours. The pinnacle of that window of opportunity was my interaction with the Shaman. My daughter and I walked the circle, photographed the stones, and not feeling drawn to the energies there, headed to the gift shop, concession area.  Found two seats at the perimeter counter and planned a leisurely snack before catching the return shuttle back to town.

Seated next to us were a pair of women engaged in some ritual using a goat head staff.  One woman was apparently in receipt of messages, the other, in a rather theatrical costume gave instruction and validation. I wanted to know more, so I abandoned my juice and my daughter and interrupted them by asking "who are you and why are you dressed this way"? The reply was a simple four-word sentence "I am the Shaman".

I was invited to join them after permission was granted by the other woman. The next 46 minutes
can not be retold for the teachings formed the most intimate conversation I have ever had. I will
share that my journey was unexpected and not earthbound.  I will tell you that my purpose that day was
predestined and that no other person could have completed the task for I had been summoned to help.
I had to travel four thousand miles. The Shaman had waited for me.  How long?  She did not disclose.

That experience has brought me out of my comfort zone and not gently. This present self is housed in a physical body whose limitations are waning. So as my bones weaken and muscles atrophy, there is a seeming urgency for repair and maintenance. My reason for being here has just been revealed and it's
so surreal that my explanation may not suffice.

Being afflicted with a straight forward demeanor, I'll just say that I am gifted to guide souls from the dark into the light.

I thought that I was to heal by the laying on of hands. Yes, that is still an option. I have free will.
That seems more of a career than a purpose. Both will require travel, although spiritual guidance is not limited.

How to proceed? Where do I go?  With whom will I provide guidance? How frequently? How many souls await?  Again, it is predestined.

I must quiet my mind. I must remain open. Priorities are no longer measures of my worth. There is work to be done. Soul reawakened. Life's purpose redefined.

Living Fiction

Wizard of Oz or Alice Through the Looking Glass? These great works of literature are seemingly
parallel to my life at present; if not in totality at least in part.

In snippets, really, because I don't possess total recall of all the delightful and complex characters involved in the telling of those two tales.  I'm just sitting here deep in thought as to why I don't recognize my role in my own life.  Am I not justified in thinking that the consequences to all MY choices are the result of MY actions? Is MY truth not mine?

There are two possibilities, given the title to this story.  Either I have fallen down the rabbit hole or I grabbed my picnic basket and little dog and headed down the yellow brick road. My reality needs a reality check. Loss of control is a terrible burden to one who believed herself incapable of mental incontinence.

I am unprepared, ill-equipped and scared to death of this present situation. There is no reasonable explanation for this abrupt divergence from my strategically planned life. I've paid my dues and slid into old age according to the directions. The warranties on my parts are expiring and I'm a victim to the current health care options.  Life just gets less exciting, more predictable and then you die.  No reason to be thrust into another existential dimension, NOT NOW!

And yet, here I am-in flux. Damn.

Denial won't solve the puzzle. There's energy, constant swirling energy approaching the horizon and I will be swept up into it.  This I know.  It has been foretold. In my soul portraits, the focal point remains but the evolution through the series, defines my energy being guided by entities of passionate love and protection. My last portrait was commissioned 4 years ago.  The color pallet softened and the canvas appears to have tiny twinkling lights (my guides).

Don't get excited, I am not a predictor of any apocalypse. I don't believe in the end of the physical world, I don't believe in final judgment and I don't need my soul saved (it's not mine to begin with).

I'm a metaphysical being in transition. I have layers and layers upon layers of purpose.  We all do. We all have multiple personality disorder; it's just that some of us would rather not expose ourselves.  We fear ridicule and failure.  Neither will cause an end to our truth.

Unlike the masterpieces of fiction I have referenced, my journey does not invite companions.  There is no cast of characters; no personification of relations. I have my own White Rabbit keeping me in the moment.

The yellow brick road leads to Chrystal City. The Wizard is not whom we first believed.  Perhaps my journey is a reflection in the looking glass rather than through the other side.

Dorothy and Alice awakened to find nothing had changed.  As for me, I'd rather keep dreaming.