I am not one who falls in one category or another. I am an amalgam; a puzzle which until just now,
had no solution.
All my life, I have pushed the boundaries....believing that there was always a Paul Harvey option: "The rest of the story". I have been a disgruntled being.; searching for the polarity of existence.
I am awakening on my life's parallel plane where I have been comatose. It's an interesting
process to be sure. I have existed on this plane at this predestined venture and now my purpose
is transformational and expansive. I am no longer in denial.
This acknowledgment or validation has come to me through indirect messages. My
journey through transformational ascension will take a concerted effort and a cleansing purge
of my soul. But where to begin?
Trust- that's my biggest challenge. Trust of self; confidence of that intuition which has guided me safely to this point. This time, however, there's a rip in the safety net. That being the familiarity
of who I was.
I like conclusions. They're final-once the research has ended it's either yes or no, go or stay. Beginning again is always an option and perfect for one who can't seem to hold interest very long.
Being optimistic, I prefer short term goals. The outlay of energy is greater and designed as a catalyst
for a quick resolution. I know "quick" is a relative term. I haven't been comfortable with open-ended
scenarios. My pattern has been: problem plus plan equals solution.
My problem is: "x" equals plan.
And here we are back to the trust issue. I do not have faith. I have Truth. They're not mutually
compatible. I do not have trust. I have intuition and I don't have any point of reference as to whether
or not the imbalance will defeat or incite my participation.
How do I justify the gentle bombardment of new people suddenly in my life's path? Where is the tether which keeps tugging at me and keeping my head above water?
Where does a sudden desire to abandon my life come from? Perhaps it comes in a dream or a whisper; perhaps in a split-second glimpse of the stars above. The reality is that it sits in my gut-waiting.
I wake up with it and take it with me as I wander; trying to maintain control.
Making uninformed decisions leaves me scattered; remnants of me clutter my brain. Getting clear, defogging my vision is my intended starting point.
Today, I placed a telephone call to a Buddhist monk. I am hopeful his meditation practices will relieve me of my muddle headedness. Maybe with practice, that feeling in my gut will relocate to
my heart and I will become open to possibilities.
Trusting that he will return my call, I can begin to relax a little. Trusting that I will know what to do with the information is an entirely different matter, but I must begin somewhere.
This acknowledgment or validation has come to me through indirect messages. My
journey through transformational ascension will take a concerted effort and a cleansing purge
of my soul. But where to begin?
Trust- that's my biggest challenge. Trust of self; confidence of that intuition which has guided me safely to this point. This time, however, there's a rip in the safety net. That being the familiarity
of who I was.
I like conclusions. They're final-once the research has ended it's either yes or no, go or stay. Beginning again is always an option and perfect for one who can't seem to hold interest very long.
Being optimistic, I prefer short term goals. The outlay of energy is greater and designed as a catalyst
for a quick resolution. I know "quick" is a relative term. I haven't been comfortable with open-ended
scenarios. My pattern has been: problem plus plan equals solution.
My problem is: "x" equals plan.
And here we are back to the trust issue. I do not have faith. I have Truth. They're not mutually
compatible. I do not have trust. I have intuition and I don't have any point of reference as to whether
or not the imbalance will defeat or incite my participation.
How do I justify the gentle bombardment of new people suddenly in my life's path? Where is the tether which keeps tugging at me and keeping my head above water?
Where does a sudden desire to abandon my life come from? Perhaps it comes in a dream or a whisper; perhaps in a split-second glimpse of the stars above. The reality is that it sits in my gut-waiting.
I wake up with it and take it with me as I wander; trying to maintain control.
Making uninformed decisions leaves me scattered; remnants of me clutter my brain. Getting clear, defogging my vision is my intended starting point.
Today, I placed a telephone call to a Buddhist monk. I am hopeful his meditation practices will relieve me of my muddle headedness. Maybe with practice, that feeling in my gut will relocate to
my heart and I will become open to possibilities.
Trusting that he will return my call, I can begin to relax a little. Trusting that I will know what to do with the information is an entirely different matter, but I must begin somewhere.
