On my mind today is the consistently aggravating choice of free will. Mankind chooses his burdens. Burdens can bloom; they can overwhelm and become the masks we wear. How is it that truth is so easily disguised?
I strive to live a life which questions everything. I take nothing for granted and have not struggled much. I am wandering and not lost.
For some, scapegoats are an integral release of conscience. These are learned coping mechanisms.
We all learn to blame others from very early on. I think it may be time to rethink this strategy.
Why can't reality exist separately rather than co-exist with illusion?
Heavily indoctrinated in the theory of evolution and it's evolving thesis', I want for nothing more than
today. But there is conflict within me. Who I am is unfinished. What I am is a simple bridge to what is to be. I know this and nothing else can weigh as heavily as this burden.
Intuition guides my dreams. My waking hours are filled with apprehension. Being present in the moment is not easy. I marvel at those people who can quiet themselves to all that surrounds and infuses the soul. I'm not wired that way. I have a short attention span and get lost in the details of my life. Perfection is unattainable and I should stop trying and just let it be. I won't be remembered for the incompleteness of my journey. Who would hold it against me? No one is equal to the path I am on. It is mine through all time.
The what if's which comprise my life's story are autobiographical. To some extent, I am being allowed to choose; to opt-in or opt-out. Free will is the migraine clouding my destiny. It is an uncomfortable companion with whom I must travel. It is the self shadow; always between me
and authenticity.
The surrender is inevitable and beautiful in all its mystery. I'm just not willing-yet. Being
fluid and eternal, my soul will wait upon destiny which is greater than the burden which I perceive
is mine.
Monday, January 29, 2018
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Relatively Speaking
My genealogy dangles like the proverbial carrot before the horse or the horse before the cart because if I find the people responsible, I'll have the burden to inform who comes after. Woe is me. Why can't I be more like my dogs?
He, she, she and she are oblivious to lineage. Its' not important and that's a lesson I must learn. "Who I am is not defined by the circumstances of my birth", she said in a text. The "she" being my friend, Siobhan Peal - the Shaman of Stonehenge. I have been in dialogue with her twice, seeking advice. I thought knowing the biological facts of my parents and their extended relatives would bring a new perspective and put to bed the notion that genetics are responsible for well-all my unraveling plans.
Surely, I must be related to other people who just can't finish what they start. Procrastination must be an inherent trait.
According to Ms. Peal, "No".
Well, she should know.
I started, again, on the who am I quest and enrolled in a college course given by a member of the Church of the Latter-Day Saints. They have the corner on genealogical record keeping. They're serious! The files are kept in a vault within a granite mountain in Salt Lake City. The online program and the web of research will help anyone arrive at their definitive roots. Some roots are shallow, however, and mine is of that variety. I was able to trace fourth great grandparents on my father's side and not quite so far on the maternal line. The information was all very organized and it was more a process of elimination once I recalled the vagueness of names I remembered in conversations with Mom and Dad.
The opportunity to further research remains for those more dedicated than me. I'm done.
Next step? Maybe DNA. That would give me a geography lesson. One can never have too few of those. Borders change, people migrate and inbreed. Record keeping might lapse from written to oral and back again, but the story could be highly entertaining. Would the new information enlighten or entertain me?
That last question is the thought behind the delay in this probe. How seriously do I need to know?
Do I want to know? Am I prepared for the consequences of knowing?
Um...
Back to my dogs; their lives are not complex. Routine eliminates worrying about options.
As long as they are living with me, their needs will be met promptly. Happy dogs equal happy
me. I believe that they want for nothing. We are symbiotic and they are insightful, intelligent
and compassionate beings. Their breeding is for another's benefit. Their lineage makes YOU feel superior. They don't give a crap about it.
I abhor the word "pedigree". It's among a long list of limiting, self-disparaging adjectives. To describe any being in the terms of being "less than" because of an ancestral genetic mutation...
I don't understand the rules which define you and me and them as inferior from ourselves and each other. I appreciate the theory of natural selection and survival of the fittest. I get that. Was there a king and queen of the apes in that original troupe somewhere in our evolution? Was the crown then past up through the roughly thought out timeline of say fifteen million years ago to present day? Apparently so, and the resulting monarchies are a testament to the inbreeding and migration patterns resulting in the several kingdoms still intact today.
As for me, I'm without my breeding certificate. I was adopted. I may never know. The state of Washington doesn't acknowledge pre-adoption birth records. I've tried.
To balance the scales, I know that my soul traveled 444.2 light-years to get here. That's a long time to consider who my relations are. The earth is hardly my place of origin. Science is on my side. The Earth is 4.54 plus or minus 0.05 billion years old.
I am who I am-relatively speaking.
He, she, she and she are oblivious to lineage. Its' not important and that's a lesson I must learn. "Who I am is not defined by the circumstances of my birth", she said in a text. The "she" being my friend, Siobhan Peal - the Shaman of Stonehenge. I have been in dialogue with her twice, seeking advice. I thought knowing the biological facts of my parents and their extended relatives would bring a new perspective and put to bed the notion that genetics are responsible for well-all my unraveling plans.
Surely, I must be related to other people who just can't finish what they start. Procrastination must be an inherent trait.
According to Ms. Peal, "No".
Well, she should know.
I started, again, on the who am I quest and enrolled in a college course given by a member of the Church of the Latter-Day Saints. They have the corner on genealogical record keeping. They're serious! The files are kept in a vault within a granite mountain in Salt Lake City. The online program and the web of research will help anyone arrive at their definitive roots. Some roots are shallow, however, and mine is of that variety. I was able to trace fourth great grandparents on my father's side and not quite so far on the maternal line. The information was all very organized and it was more a process of elimination once I recalled the vagueness of names I remembered in conversations with Mom and Dad.
The opportunity to further research remains for those more dedicated than me. I'm done.
Next step? Maybe DNA. That would give me a geography lesson. One can never have too few of those. Borders change, people migrate and inbreed. Record keeping might lapse from written to oral and back again, but the story could be highly entertaining. Would the new information enlighten or entertain me?
That last question is the thought behind the delay in this probe. How seriously do I need to know?
Do I want to know? Am I prepared for the consequences of knowing?
Um...
Back to my dogs; their lives are not complex. Routine eliminates worrying about options.
As long as they are living with me, their needs will be met promptly. Happy dogs equal happy
me. I believe that they want for nothing. We are symbiotic and they are insightful, intelligent
and compassionate beings. Their breeding is for another's benefit. Their lineage makes YOU feel superior. They don't give a crap about it.
I abhor the word "pedigree". It's among a long list of limiting, self-disparaging adjectives. To describe any being in the terms of being "less than" because of an ancestral genetic mutation...
I don't understand the rules which define you and me and them as inferior from ourselves and each other. I appreciate the theory of natural selection and survival of the fittest. I get that. Was there a king and queen of the apes in that original troupe somewhere in our evolution? Was the crown then past up through the roughly thought out timeline of say fifteen million years ago to present day? Apparently so, and the resulting monarchies are a testament to the inbreeding and migration patterns resulting in the several kingdoms still intact today.
As for me, I'm without my breeding certificate. I was adopted. I may never know. The state of Washington doesn't acknowledge pre-adoption birth records. I've tried.
To balance the scales, I know that my soul traveled 444.2 light-years to get here. That's a long time to consider who my relations are. The earth is hardly my place of origin. Science is on my side. The Earth is 4.54 plus or minus 0.05 billion years old.
I am who I am-relatively speaking.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
The Turn of a Calendar Page
New Year's resolutions, New Year's intentions, to do list, bucket list- unadulterated insanity! I believe indulging in this ritual will cause completely unnecessary stress and a wasted productivity.
Consider my post "Church of Attaboy". I was a little more than put out with organized religion when I wrote it. The theme plays into a recent post by my good friend, Angela. She proposes that we focus on kindness. I like it.
My take on it maybe a little off center and not exactly altruistic, but I further propose that the first person to receive kindness should be one's self.
I am generally kind-try to help when I can. I often suggest options for seemingly undoable tasks. Offering advice comes easily; but it's a double edged sword. I should be able to seek advice as easily. Right? The scale is heavily unbalanced and I am trying to adjust. So, I'm placing more on the self side and kindness is the pile I am borrowing from.
I am depleted. My energy fields need adjustment. The Reiki masters have confirmed the diagnosis. I've had the symptoms for years, but didn't want another traditional psycho analysis. Psycho babble
has its place and is a good fit for some. I'm not "some". Matter of fact, I'm not anything that I believed in and "believed"is a relative term.
Grateful that I am part of the solution and not the problem, I have renewed energies and unlimited
opportunity to share a universal message. However, I am not primed and must devote myself to developing my gift. I won't be depleted very long.
So back to the kindness thing. Just imagine what you could accomplish if your day began with
just one goal. Find a reason for liking yourself. Have a dose of ego with your coffee. Know that you will make a difference today. Take a chance on kindness. Let me know how it works out.
Consider my post "Church of Attaboy". I was a little more than put out with organized religion when I wrote it. The theme plays into a recent post by my good friend, Angela. She proposes that we focus on kindness. I like it.
My take on it maybe a little off center and not exactly altruistic, but I further propose that the first person to receive kindness should be one's self.
I am generally kind-try to help when I can. I often suggest options for seemingly undoable tasks. Offering advice comes easily; but it's a double edged sword. I should be able to seek advice as easily. Right? The scale is heavily unbalanced and I am trying to adjust. So, I'm placing more on the self side and kindness is the pile I am borrowing from.
I am depleted. My energy fields need adjustment. The Reiki masters have confirmed the diagnosis. I've had the symptoms for years, but didn't want another traditional psycho analysis. Psycho babble
has its place and is a good fit for some. I'm not "some". Matter of fact, I'm not anything that I believed in and "believed"is a relative term.
Grateful that I am part of the solution and not the problem, I have renewed energies and unlimited
opportunity to share a universal message. However, I am not primed and must devote myself to developing my gift. I won't be depleted very long.
So back to the kindness thing. Just imagine what you could accomplish if your day began with
just one goal. Find a reason for liking yourself. Have a dose of ego with your coffee. Know that you will make a difference today. Take a chance on kindness. Let me know how it works out.
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