Release
There is inherent danger under my skin and I am conflicted. Knowing full well its release will scar me with an emptiness (the likes I have yet to experience), I am reluctant. The inside of me has multiplied into razor sharp facets. I am not who I was.
Redefining my journey has changed my historical perspective of me. Memories have shape shifted
to fit the mature adult. Childhood memories have been reworked and replayed within the arena of
experience. I better understand the part I played as I am no longer burdened by the innocence of youth.
Am I ready to acknowledge that I dreamt too deeply and too desperately? Shall I let go of the
affirmation that I lived a life designed by others; to complete their dreams? If this is my truth and
the release of it destroys my earthly shackles, where shall I go? But then, where have I been?
All I do know is that I am tired - and it's taking a toll and I'm running out of quarters. Understanding that this state of being is manifesting itself in both my dreams and consciousness,
makes me fearful.
Change is coming. My spirit animal totems present themselves and I am fully aware they are here.
My guides have prepared these days for an awakening. I am not in control. The lesson is choice. The choice is discernment.
I don't even know myself well enough to risk letting go. I can't be finished.
Perhaps I'll just bleed out; allowing the blood to erode and soften the sharp angles. Perhaps emptiness
will not scar me after all.
Friday, June 21, 2019
Friday, June 14, 2019
Hall of Mirrors
Hall of Mirrors
I pass them and gaze - accepting the reality of what I see. This is a learned pattern and of late, I believe it to be destructive; the outside is packaging. The inside is me - the dark and mushy, the wet and stretchy parts of my body where light does not penetrate.
To have a reflection, there must be refraction. There must be a light source. We've all played with
mirrors, we see our images multiplied and distorted. Sometimes the distortions are enhanced by the flawed surfaces we rely on for autoplay and instant gratification. Being caught up in the momentary
selfie is validation. We are here. The experience is real. Maybe the crack is not in the glass but rather
in our soul searching.
I often wonder why and by whom we are told to look at the reflection. We are being indoctrinated into a belief that what others assume about us is true...after all "just look!"
Preferring to step back far enough where the other me is out of focus, I begin to believe that I am still evolving. Who but I can judge progress? Who but I can affirm that the packaging is nothing more than a disguise? The lesser animals I share my planet with are startled to see multiples of themselves. They believe the reflection will animate and join them or perhaps devour them.
In works of fiction, mirrors foretold and provided safe havens for the paranormal. Poor Alice fell through hers and journeyed through a parallel world.
In my own journey, the mirrors are route markers. When I pause and rest, they offer options. I stand and gaze at where I have been. My life accumulates one moment at a time. If I break one, the journey is redefined and I must carefully consider the truth that my whole is nothing but the seamless piecing together of shards. I shall never realize my final shape - I'm in flux.
Mirrors are also my shield. I use them against you when your energy is unwanted. I allow you to gaze at yourself and if you like what you see, you're welcome to it. If not, please turn and leave. I wish you safe travels.
I may stop gazing for a while. There is no need to impress either you or me. There is no need to measure my worth by its packaging. I am a continuation - an anthropomorphic edition of myself. Perfection is a myth. I am the seed of stardust and infinitely beautiful.
I pass them and gaze - accepting the reality of what I see. This is a learned pattern and of late, I believe it to be destructive; the outside is packaging. The inside is me - the dark and mushy, the wet and stretchy parts of my body where light does not penetrate.
To have a reflection, there must be refraction. There must be a light source. We've all played with
mirrors, we see our images multiplied and distorted. Sometimes the distortions are enhanced by the flawed surfaces we rely on for autoplay and instant gratification. Being caught up in the momentary
selfie is validation. We are here. The experience is real. Maybe the crack is not in the glass but rather
in our soul searching.
I often wonder why and by whom we are told to look at the reflection. We are being indoctrinated into a belief that what others assume about us is true...after all "just look!"
Preferring to step back far enough where the other me is out of focus, I begin to believe that I am still evolving. Who but I can judge progress? Who but I can affirm that the packaging is nothing more than a disguise? The lesser animals I share my planet with are startled to see multiples of themselves. They believe the reflection will animate and join them or perhaps devour them.
In works of fiction, mirrors foretold and provided safe havens for the paranormal. Poor Alice fell through hers and journeyed through a parallel world.
In my own journey, the mirrors are route markers. When I pause and rest, they offer options. I stand and gaze at where I have been. My life accumulates one moment at a time. If I break one, the journey is redefined and I must carefully consider the truth that my whole is nothing but the seamless piecing together of shards. I shall never realize my final shape - I'm in flux.
Mirrors are also my shield. I use them against you when your energy is unwanted. I allow you to gaze at yourself and if you like what you see, you're welcome to it. If not, please turn and leave. I wish you safe travels.
I may stop gazing for a while. There is no need to impress either you or me. There is no need to measure my worth by its packaging. I am a continuation - an anthropomorphic edition of myself. Perfection is a myth. I am the seed of stardust and infinitely beautiful.
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
Another Place, Another Time
Another Place, Another Time
I have changed. Looking at my reflection, it's not evident. I have shifted. Listening to my voice,
you will not notice. There has been an infusion of energy; a quiet disruptive shock wave which knocked me off my pedestal.
There is a difference between change and flexibility. I have always been flexible. It's a pattern
of survival in my lifestyle. Military families adapt. Being able to pick up and move, resettle and blend in and repeat becomes the norm. Once separation or retirement interrupts the pattern, some cycles
of habitual living remain. It is the burden I live every day. Having devoted years to perpetual interruption, I am uncomfortable with predictability. I embrace change, or so I thought.
Seated in the blue under-stuffed easy chair, I knew what was coming, but I didn't know what to expect. Across from me was my life coach, who with a soft voice and reassuring smile, began the dialog to my awareness. "Close your eyes," she began. For the next hour, she guided me through my inward journey.
I was warm, safe and willing. Meeting my soul's incarnation in a place and time only history books reveal was comforting to me. I was not surprised to be there. Truth is never surprising. Truth is
validation.
Refreshed from my subconscious travels, the conversation between us was deeply engrained
in a comparison of life lessons. What did I learn then? How do I use that truth to change my circumstances? Can I complete the lesson and ready myself for ascension?
There was no fog upon awakening, but there was a steely calmness which masked my personality.
I was focused and braced for conflict...a deeply mind-altering conflict. The result of which presented itself as a migraine. One so forceful, that I was unable to control it.
The next day, in a short text with my coach, I was told that my body found the whole process hard. It was a first journey. Sometimes virgin exploration can overwhelm. Today is the third day in a new mindset. I am on less shaky emotional ground. I feel fortified and no longer need the armor of another's perception.
As I have said numerous times before: I am. The universe is teaching me and I am its perpetual student-whether in this lifetime or the next.
I have changed. Looking at my reflection, it's not evident. I have shifted. Listening to my voice,
you will not notice. There has been an infusion of energy; a quiet disruptive shock wave which knocked me off my pedestal.
There is a difference between change and flexibility. I have always been flexible. It's a pattern
of survival in my lifestyle. Military families adapt. Being able to pick up and move, resettle and blend in and repeat becomes the norm. Once separation or retirement interrupts the pattern, some cycles
of habitual living remain. It is the burden I live every day. Having devoted years to perpetual interruption, I am uncomfortable with predictability. I embrace change, or so I thought.
Seated in the blue under-stuffed easy chair, I knew what was coming, but I didn't know what to expect. Across from me was my life coach, who with a soft voice and reassuring smile, began the dialog to my awareness. "Close your eyes," she began. For the next hour, she guided me through my inward journey.
I was warm, safe and willing. Meeting my soul's incarnation in a place and time only history books reveal was comforting to me. I was not surprised to be there. Truth is never surprising. Truth is
validation.
Refreshed from my subconscious travels, the conversation between us was deeply engrained
in a comparison of life lessons. What did I learn then? How do I use that truth to change my circumstances? Can I complete the lesson and ready myself for ascension?
There was no fog upon awakening, but there was a steely calmness which masked my personality.
I was focused and braced for conflict...a deeply mind-altering conflict. The result of which presented itself as a migraine. One so forceful, that I was unable to control it.
The next day, in a short text with my coach, I was told that my body found the whole process hard. It was a first journey. Sometimes virgin exploration can overwhelm. Today is the third day in a new mindset. I am on less shaky emotional ground. I feel fortified and no longer need the armor of another's perception.
As I have said numerous times before: I am. The universe is teaching me and I am its perpetual student-whether in this lifetime or the next.
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