My tempo is in conflict with the rest of my life. Here I am, at present, going about my days
unencumbered by past life obligations, no schedule, and infrequent short term goals to monitor
my existence.
Is this floating between purpose and reality where I need to be? Is there justification for seemingly
wasted opportunities?
I can only observe from one side. The flip side is hidden. It seems unfair that I am cut loose from all that is familiar and just left dangling.
But, dangling I am. Last time I gazed beneath me, there was an untamed river, chiseling its path toward the sea. Now there is too much calm, no turbulence and I am afraid the water will become stagnant and with no purpose-evaporate. I do not want to evaporate. Although eventually, I will be absorbed into the cosmos. The particles of stardust will reunite and my soul will travel through wormholes toward oblivion. Or, maybe not.
I am a spiritual being having a human experience. This knowledge has arrived late in the game.
Had I known my truth as a younger being, I would have made different choices and the rhythm
of my life could have been- no should have been- much less predictable.
Yet, here I am; predictably mimicking generations before. I have become who THEY needed me to be but I have a second chance and I am going to take it. Knowledge is power, unremarkable as that may seem, but it is also dangerous when balanced against a waning internal clock. It becomes
a risk.
Justification may be defined in terms of a life invested in well...living. The ballast is one's foundation
is necessary for a steady ascension. One must have experience in order to weigh options. Otherwise,
life becomes meaningless.
Being in favor of mapping my remaining experiences longitudinally on the map rather than horizontally is my new goal. Up is the new me. Willingness and fortitude, patience and unquestioning devotion to universal wisdom will break the rigidness. I will fall softly on new
ground.
In the meantime, dangling gives me hope.
