The Right Frame

Change and embellish.  Those were the thoughts propelling me up and down the picture frame aisle at a discount retailer just the other day.  I found two possibilities, one decorated with silver highlights, the other multilayered but monotone.  The picture which needing reframing was a black and white portrait of my son. It’s stunning, it’s intense and it’s my favorite of all his childhood portraits. The current frame is wood, black and fades into the portrait.  The back of the frame is in disrepair, nobody really sees it unless they walk around the back of the coffee table, but I know it’s there. Well, I couldn’t decide, so I left the store empty-handed.

I asked my daughter her opinion and you’ll learn her reply a little later in this story.

It was one of those days with too much time on my hands.  I had actually run away from my life because of the death of my dog. 

The three remaining dogs and 4 cats vied for my attention and they, too, realized the significant loss within the walls of the house.  For me, it was a heavy dose of guilt as I signed the authorization at the clinic.

So now my days would never be the same; time for change. Start small I thought.

I’m not the only one having this conversation with myself.  My psychic counselor

started me on this path last week, Monday it was. I requested a life reading…it would be the fourth in a series of intuitive sessions.  Two previous visits within the last three years had been contact readings, but last week, I felt the need for redirection.

My message was two-part: first that my life, as I know it, is not authentic.

To begin the hour’s session my counselor shared the following (I am paraphrasing):

She has a sister who, as a small girl escaped a lot.  This drove their mother to

find a way to keep the little one happy and safe in the back yard so she found a rope and tethered her to the swing set with plenty of room to reach the back door to come in.  Her sister stood in the yard and screamed.

This is me in my present life.

I am tethered to this never-ending stage production, playing all the roles (including playwright and director). All I know is that I am repeating other’s expectations and fulfilling their needs while depleting my own.  Trouble is, I don’t know what I need.

Other message…that my end of life Karma will repeat in the next life if I choose to return.  We are reincarnated into similar circumstances if we do not change and grow.

I wanted to grab a suitcase and leave after the hour’s lesson. Well I did, the next day, just for a day. Drove a couple hours, checked into a lovely hotel and know what happened?  I became invisible.  I explored the city into the hours just after dusk; dined with me, shopped with myself, lost half a day enjoying the exhibits in the art museum. Almost had to look twice when I realized that I was in the presence of an original Norman Rockwell and then again when I stood mesmerized by an original bronze of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

No one knew me or cared. The pressure of keeping up appearances did not exist. I was totally me but in an understated way.  That’s what most people do when found in new surroundings.  Feel your way through.  Give and take, re- define and breathe.

Yesterday, I listened to the recording of my session.  Having had time to consider all the hidden innuendos one misses when in the moment, I realized that there was a pleading in her voice.  I realized the importance of the messages, the vital life-affirming messages there to guide me.

I want to tell you what my daughter said when asked her opinion on the picture frame.  She said, “get the plain one, it won’t compete with the subtlety of the portrait."

Maybe it’s time to shed the embellishments of my identity.  Opt for black and white; for within the realm of neutral, lies my destiny.

It all begins with knowing how to choose the right frame.