Wandering

Hmmmm. I've been absent in my presence of mind recently.  Too many conflicting interests.  How could I be a conflict of interest with myself?  Apparently, too easily.

In the absence of fully committing my physical being to a late in life do over, I will opt for a thinking about it perspective.  And that's just what I am planning.  What's wrong with the concept of wandering?  Does it mean that all who wander are lost? I am not "lost". I am just not found (in the first person sense)…yet.

Thought perhaps I could wrap up things here, pack a bag and head to a blue zone. Okinawa would be my first choice. Sardinia is another. People living in pockets, on this globe, have figured out the pathway to health filled longevity. Their busy selves evolve into purposeful, compassionate and single minded individuals.  Too perfect, too simple or just unattainable? I feel like an octopus on crutches.  The sheer number of priorities on my to do list will out live me. I shall bequeath my unfinished chores to my children and they can fight over who gets what. This was not intentional, for I have been fastidious all my life and am not neglectful of the details.  It's one of my endearing qualities.

But then again, I may be waning at a time when I should be waxing larger than life and celebratory in
my golden years.  After all, it was promised in the minuscule print, right? You read it; something about
that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Left brain, right brain, stop, go, repeat. Sound familiar?  Too much stimulation; eventual implosion. But wait, I'm not done yet! B R E A T H E

My mental merry go rounds and bungie jumping are slowing down.  How is it possible that I get stuck in my itinerant destination? I can read a map, (I can draw the damn map); know how to navigate a compass and if all else fails, ASK DIRECTIONS.

Trouble is the destination has changed.

How to balance my "selves"; how to divide and conquer ME gives a new meaning to "presence of mind". The elusiveness of living IN the moment is the catalyst in all this. I am running a marathon, barefooted through the briar patch, while carrying all the baggage I have packed for myself and everybody else. Ridiculous, right?

But true.

My dreams are the reflecting pool of my daily struggles; I should journal them. They hold the key to unlock the chaos. I know this. Another item for that to do list. Great.

I have begun to wander, it's not as bad as you might think. I am a purposeful student of TaiChi. Just started the class and hope to be better acquainted with the form as time allows. Two hours each week devoted to mental and physical draining into that abysmal and forgiving universe.

Okay, now what to do with the remaining 166 hours each week? Maybe wandering is not a good mental picture of my intentions.  How about " parade, paseo, promenade; expedition, hike, march, peregrination, traipse, tramp, travel, traversal, traverse, trek, trip, walkabout; excursion, jaunt, junket, outing, sally, sashay, spin, tour; pilgrimage, progress, safari" (thank you Merriam-Webster people)? Oooh, the possibilities are tempting me right out of my quagmire.

Where and how I slide myself into first gear (again) depends on one indispensable element of the variables.

Destiny.