Thoughts are scattered. I am unable to concentrate, on any topic, for longer than a breath mint. Try as I do, there's no period, just commas and an occasional semi colon ( for that regurgitation of the previous thought).
My soul is in chaos, turmoil and consistent unrest and it's not self inflicted. The more I question,
justify and analyze, the greater my disquietness. I have entered truth; the pathway is narrow and apparently one way- for the further I travel, my past fades like footprints along the shore.
The biggest hurdle at present is wanting to go there. Wanting to stand in my truth conflicts with
I like who I am, so far, so why change NOW? Is time a really a consideration? Perhaps, but time
is a man made diversion. It limits potential and rewards the immediate. What's all this rushing around? Seems silly from the stand point of evolution. I don't think man/woman is the finite
model. I am beginning to believe that the body is the vessel and my take on it is definitely not
biblical.
My brain is my armor. It shields me against myself. I wish I could drain the gray matter and begin again. How does one accomplish reprogramming of oneself? Education, I am certain is the key. How am I going to determine the qualifications of the teacher? Based on what criteria? I haven't hit the ah ha moment yet. I am optimistic and driven; although I can't say what fuels the gears.
Can I be spontaneous and flexible or must I remain tethered to some one else's schedule? Thinking that I have always been in control makes me distrust. Knowing that I have always been in control
makes me resist. Learning has always been a two sided affair. There is always an opposite point of view. There's always a polar extreme and maybe this time I need to leave the comfort of linear thinking and consider the possibilities.
As I try to process this awakening, my path beckons. Steady up the hill. I can't wait to see what's around the bend.
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