Complacency

     Status Quo is leaving things as they are- no disruption or deviance. I come from this generation.  I am among those baby boomers who are dipping into the last available social security funds.  My appointment, at the Social Security Office is next month and it will be at that appointment that I will learn what it means to have squandered most of my earning potential on ...well ...complacency.

     There is an omission in my gray matter. Not knowing which hemisphere is deficient, I'll just blame it on short-sightedness.  Don't get me wrong. I have stuff, which in its vagueness, represents my status.

     Okay, but that's a facet which when not in the bright light fades into obscurity and I am left with "but WHO am I?

At this juncture, ego reenters the picture. Only on its rebound, the focus is on my legacy. What will I leave behind?  Ashes and carbon footprint will not define me.  Words on a headstone will be wasted for no one has the right to limit me to a few well-chosen adjectives.  Enter- the universe and suddenly it is the defining moment of ME.  Primed for nothing and equally unprepared, my decades of cocooning are ripe for evolution. My wings are unfolding and prepared for flight.  Albeit the remaining life span will conclude before I fully understand how I got to this point, I am steady upon the breeze.

     Learning to embrace a new direction is not unfamiliar.  I am certainly adept at change; although change has always been tethered to what I understood was humanly possible. What I am gifted now is far beyond scientific probabilities.

     As I undergo this metamorphosis, the pages in scrapbooks, entries in journals and yellowing photographs will seem a ridiculous homage.  Yet, separately the tangible remembrances will document my journey thus far.

     Restless intuition sits uncomfortably in my gut. Wasted adrenaline consumes the energy reserves and leaves me in a constant state of atrophy.  All this is necessary.  Decomposition begins.