In my head, I own my thoughts-intellectual property in the first-person sense. Thinking is my newest hobby and it is a complicated endeavor. I have options in the thinking process. Among them are to allow, conceive, consider, deem, esteem, feel, figure, guess, hold, imagine, judge, reckon, suppose and believe.
What or who I think about and where the thinking takes place further enhances my willingness to devote time to this undertaking. Subject matter is, of course, the catalyst and the antagonist.
Using the options available, the outcome of my internal dialogue is varied. Conclusions are elusive and require additional considerations.
Decisions, solely based on thinking may be the inner voice we so often credit for spontaneous results. I'm guilty of favoring spontaneity. Not planning, however, is not for the faint-hearted. Doing something, going somewhere without a backup plan is sometimes a questionable approach. I've been lucky.
My inner voice has a committee. The chairman of the board has the sole veto power and the secretary doesn't keep notes. There's been no change in board members - ever. There is a new agenda at the most recent gathering of my committee and it has been tabled for further discussions. So, I just sit and wonder what to do and I've been sitting and wondering for a few years. On the agenda is an invitation to the rest of my life. Perfect timing. I am open to suggestions.
Travel is a given. Where is a choice. Playing- a distraction and commitment to remaining tied to the familiar is apparently not an option. My committee has a guest speaker who doesn't like waiting in the outer office and is running out of patience while the debate continues.
Fear and disbelief are powerful emotions. Why me? Why now? These two questions compete for equal consideration. Think, think, think too much and I'll be the next understudy to Winnie the Pooh.
There are believers and skeptics in the metaphysical community. I live with both; part of my dual personality, I guess. Seems the bipolar disorder is revisiting. The manic says "jump off the cliff"; the depressive replies "there's a frayed rope in the parachute".
This thinking and not planning is exhausting. Certainly I would have thought (pun intended) that I would reach that light bulb moment. But no- I have to learn and practice what I learn-then I must teach and eventually enlighten. I am finding more than a casual interest in otherworldly possibilities and balance this piqued curiosity with more than a passing glance on the topic of ancient aliens. The topic has credence and I love a debate. There's more to life than living.
I am learning and thinking and researching and doing more thinking. I am asking pertinent questions of those I trust to be on similar voyages. Then I think again...
I just saw a quote go across my tv screen: "Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." Thankfully, I am in no hurry and it's time to check on the guest speaker who sits in the outer office-thinking.
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