This story is aptly titled
for it is the dynamics of said relationship which is today’s theme.
As one evolves soul and self
through the decades, the improvements weigh in on the familial relationships as
well. Lessons taught and learned as
children don’t always carry forward into adult hood. Sharing, secret telling and role playing (to
name a few), aren’t appropriate once the age of majority defines us.
Who were we to realize (way
back then) that we would develop our own sensibilities regarding choices? When
did our mind become our own? When did
the voices which had guided and mold us fade from conscience? Somewhere in the
tween years would be my guess.
Those first successful
rebellions define us as formidable beings.
The fact that our actions could muster such adversity really set the
tone for growing up. Now that I am
parent and have almost graduated from advisor pro tem, I understand the
process. I appreciate the battles for I
know that the war is still on the horizon and my children will be equipped and
well prepared.
I dwell in the ever changing
dynamics of marriage, parenthood and sisterhood. I am no longer anyone’s daughter or
granddaughter. I have let loose of any
relationship with relatives other than my brother. Neither one of us is immersed in the coming
and goings of each other, but if either needed assistance (whether material
means or emotional fortitude), no force on earth could stand in our way.
“People, people who need
people…” that’s a nice thought from a nice movie sung by one of the premiere
vocalists in my lifetime. But the catch phrase presents a personal
dichotomy. Which people shall I choose:
those who are related or those who join my journey inadvertently?
I am not who I was. I am not
the final me either. The persons placed in my evolution as a child and
adolescent are not familiar with my present self. The phrase “My, how you’ve
changed” can’t begin to encompass the truth.
Did I get here with
help? Yes, certainly. Did I ask for the help? Perhaps I did. Let’s assume that I am who I
know me to be and I am who you perceive me to be because you will never really
know me. I will share fragments with
you. My piece may fit into your
unfinished puzzle at least for a while.
Now siblings are a dynamic
born out of necessity. Being born period
was not a necessity, divine or otherwise.
It was a choice; one made by the adults in my family. Not so the other relationship. I can’t
imagine that my opinion was ever solicited. My brother just arrived and invaded
my space and played with my toys and ate my share of dessert.
We mimicked other children
and their siblings and learned good and bad habits.
My mother was an only child
still attached to her mother and clueless.
My father was one of 4, but far more independent and didn’t really care
about his adult brother and sisters. Family reunions were never addressed and
when I was introduced to extended family, I didn’t really sense any importance
in establishing or maintaining a “relationship”.
You may find me cynical. Ask me if I care. I know many people who
celebrate family and where they came from and find great self -importance once
they have been duly defined as belonging to so and so’s family tree.
Well if you are entangled in
a family member’s life, so be it. It was
your choice to remain there. You may
have re-invented your purpose and find great comfort in the belonging to another.
Your own wisdom and way of doing things may be the light bulb moment in the
life of a relation. Your destiny and
your soul’s journey may be to guide.
For me, there’s no reward in
heaven. I am just being me and so far
the trip has been fabulous.
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